Akin

Torn asunder, perhaps you now know-
Pushed deep under- you'll always go
On your goal's path, to what you see...
...At path's ending, through pain all fiery...
What you're born to be.

Pushed down farther, taught to forget
All the struggles you've fought through and met,
Heartaches by which you relearned to cry,
Each one that helped you wonder why
You never failed to try.

A touch, a brush upon your soul's skin
While Darkness tells the tale of You Can't Win.
Yet that same touch, as light as a feather
Somehow pulls you back together
To face harshest weather.

Dark pushes hard. You push back,
Ignoring thoughts of what you might lack,
Knowing somehow that inside of you
Lies eternal strength getting you through.
Pushing is what you'll do.

But just when you think, This victory's mine,
A second storm strikes you harder from behind,
All strength gained thrown to the wind,
Now this storm, seeming just beginning,
Has you, to the ground, pinned.

No, you think, gritting your teeth,
You won't get the best of me.
Knock me down, make me ache.
All my Me away from me take.
But upon this battle my spirit I stake.

The dark's fury, at your vow, doubles.
Attacking your warrior's armor-like bubble
While another warrior, fighting just like you,
Is trying, tenacious, to push his way through
His own storms, to you.

A moment more, now you are face to face
You bear bow and arrow; he, a mace.
So very different. So much the same.
Layers of wild and war; skin calm, and tame,
Bearing scars of shame.

He gives you a nod, grinning a feral grin,
A wildness creeping out; you feel it begin.
A joy so powerful, like the sun's own light
Courses through you. Weakness now might,
Now for the real fight.

Those same scars now make you kin.
Against the same fury, the two of you begin.
Horrors of this war have made you more wise.
Phantoms of storm, you now realize,
Created to make me Prize.

You and your fellow warrior fight for an age-
Prime fodder for any bard's page.
Pretense and show only long ago,
Forever may this conflict flow
Yes, you smile. I know.

beatingheart2

My Heart, My Body, My Spirit

When spirit, body, and heart

Are at peace where once at war,

The place they touch each other

Is the place that I ache for.

This place I have but rarely glimpsed.

This place but once I felt

When each controlled, self-directed thought I owned

Would melt.

No matter how strong and even

My soul's keel seemed to be,

Some angry inner element

Would always tear at me.

Such a torn spirit could not bear

Another spirit near.

Such a broken body burning

Could only shy away in fear.

Such a gushing, anxious heart
Longed for just one taste

Of real love's helpful, heavenly, heart-healing
Embrace.

Where body, heart, and spirit

Meet, and seamlessly align,

In that place I once found myself

When greatest pain was mine.

Pain greater than anything
Ever felt in me,
Yet, still, my All was graced
By flawless tranquility.

Something without balance-
A pained, strong inner me-
Was always fighting for control
That I could never see.

When heart is let to lead
Wherever it feels drawn,
It oft will not lead one
To the brightness of the dawn.

So very much of the dark
I've let into my soul,
I'm ever pulled back in
Finding pieces of my whole.

Heart, spirit, and body-
Pieces of each part of me
Waiting to be found,
That all might learn to Be.

That all might learn to Share.
That war might be undone
That all might find together
Peace born of being one.

beatingheart2

Me To My Fore

One foe,
Add two foes,
Then four foes more.
Midst all seven, my soul I fight for.
Know they not wretchedness which I store.
Till I unleash what's behind soul's door.

First pain
Second through seventh pain,
Through soul's door Bared.
All seven enemies, petrified, stare.
Now these heartless humans have harried care.
We are alike.
We are now more aware.

Courage
I have,
Showing I am not void
Of weakness, or darkness, or good things destroyed.
While strength is mine, unaided, unalloyed,
Toyed not with is Friendship Deployed.

Seven.
Then six left.
Then five on their feet.
Four are now standing on coldest concrete.
Three braving battle on broken, burned street.
Two see their strength woefully obsolete.

Warrior
One warrior
Looks me all the way through.
Peering intently like no others dared do.
I stare back, intently, too.
Words come unbidden, and unthought.
"Am I you?"

Three words.
Truth spoken
Shatters all grip I thought was mine.
To unreal reality, I've crossed the line
The bridging line.
A line so very fine.

I look.
I look back.
All of me sees my all.
No shadows, no veils, no lies, no wall.
In stark truth, markings from every fall
Destiny between us makes a shrieking call

Courage
I know well
Courage to see truth
Though said truth now oft is ruth-
Less tis, too, often liberating, forsooth...
Like first-felt love pangs of an embattled youth.

I see
My great chance
To be of myself, my Inner Powerful, far more.
I sense deeply the wondrous strength stocked up in store.
My hand reaches out to the me to my fore.
The me to my fore reaches. We touch.

Me, no more.

Heal

Walking over the coals so white.
Ne'er pain so great felt so slight.
Can so great pain help make right
Friendship that fell, frozen in fight?

While I lay frozen, burnt feet unfeeling,
No stars embedded in heav'n's ceiling,
Fevered mind, from shock, reeling,
Can harm I dealt be forgot by healing?

As I fought with one who wished no harm
To me, who wished to feel unfelt charm...
While my numbed heart wanted to warm,
Can wakened mind numb all alarm?

Now I, with so very much loss
Swallowed bitterly, midst tempest's cost-
One small sip of nectar, tossed
Back, Can it freeze my heart with frost?

E'en so numbed, I see, I hear,
Pains of loved ones who ought not hold dear
Fallen Warrior, Prisoner of Fear.
Can I shed even one tear?

Desire so sharp that it cuts to my core,
Exposing all things buried in store,
Wishing to end an unending war,
Dare I, my ice-heart, ignore?

To you, whom I know not how to save,
Did you find numbed heart in sealed cave?
Can you heal the wounds I gave,
While I feel naught but a wretched knave?

I pray you soon feel all you should feel,
Take back what I was unworthy to steal,
Find a heart that is true to the deal,
Golden heart, I pray you to heal.

beatingheart2

Hands

One hand reaching,
I quickly back off.
Know I it's not kind
Or helpful
Or soft.
Another reaches.
This time
I fight back.
With tooth and claw
I turn and attack.
Many hands reach.
Nowhere to turn.
Mayhap,
So trapped,
Defense I'll learn.

Many hands reaching.
Tools they hold.
While I lay helpless.
Broken.
Cold.
Many hands holding,
Keeping me still,
Ignoring my wishes,
My wants,
My will.
One hand touching
Back of my head.
Memories lost.
Empty
Instead.

Two hands holding
Tightly my own.
Touch, not a happy
Thing
I have known.
Two hands that shake
While I pull away
No good can be had
From touch,
Anyway.
Two hands reaching
Out to me still,
Begging me
Come back, this
Not my will.

Hands that held heaven.
Hands that lived Hell.
Hands that wrote
Word-balm,
Hands that then fell.
While all these things
Done
By such hands
Helped, harmed and held
Other like hands...
Other like hands,
Numbered not few
Helped hands
Holding heaven
Push their way through.

Two hands as one
Clasped to plead,
Wanting,
Wishing for,
Their deepest need.
Two hands pleading,
Naught to hold on.
Smothered
In darkness,
Waiting for dawn.
Many hands reaching
Out once again.
Two hands recoiling,
Broken,
Again.

Two special hands reaching
Round my spent frame
While my own hands
Clench tight
To deep pain.
Two special hands
That know pain
Of their own,
Not letting me suffer
All on my own.
Two special hands
Saving my life,
Granting me comfort
In midst of
Dark strife.

Many kind hands
Come pair by pair,
Wishing me healing,
Wishing me
Care;
Wishing me feel
Safety once more.
Wishing me find
What life
Is good for.
Many kind hands
Holding words
I've said.
Many kind hands
That never have fled.

Two hands typing
The words you see,
Two hands, grateful
For all done
For me.
Two hands,
Gaining so much
For what's lost.
Two hands, regretting not
The cost.
Two hands, that now
Know just why.
Two hands, that always,
Always,
Will try.

beatingheart2

Saving Celeste

Hands without strength.
Shattered pieces fall.
Warring Worlds Within.
Cracks in every wall.
Beating heart in fragments
Strewn across the floor.
Someone's threatened life
I must not ignore.

Deep inside this fortress
Of hardened, chiseled stone,
I must somehow find a way
To save Celeste, alone.
Filled near overflowing
With souls so very fair...
I have failed to find
A single soul who cares.

Dashing from the chamber
Where my young sister lies-
Silent as the grave,
Lids closed o'er her eyes-
To the banquet hall,
Victory feast now in full sway
Brother's army triumphed
Only yesterday.

Some dreadful plotting
Aimed to steal my sister's life
Know I well of the hatred
Felt for sis, by brother's wife.
Nectar of wild fireflower
From the distant west,
Mayhap now can rescue
One nearing eternal rest.

Into banquet crashing
Come I by servant's way.
My sweet youthful sister
Will not die today!
One solitary glass
Of fire-nectar rests
In the hands of one
Of wife-of-brother's guests.

I have not time endless.
Drawing wife-of-brother's ire,
I snatch from her guest's hand
Last chalice of liquid fire.
Brother's wife cries out
In condemning words for me.
As her friends run full tilt
At none but me, I flee.

Guards are all at banquet
Naught stands in my way
That enemies are all behind
I fervently pray.
Nearing sacred room
Where sweet, young sister lies
Near and to my rear
I hear our foes' angry cries.

My own weapon, naked,
Now comes to the fore.
Their loyal evil... my razor will...
We engage in war.
Never has Berserker been
A title I have held, but
It tells well my mindset
As my foes I felled.

Now entering the room,
Upon the floor I see,
A dying mortal angel-
Celeste, my sister, dear to me.
Swiftly to her lips
Lip of chalice do I bring.
'Gainst all hope I hope,
That her spirit's lingering.

And now do I feel it?
Some touch of grace quite near?
Celestial life to save Celeste?
An antidote to my fear?
Yes! Her eyes crack open!
Hers and mine drop tears...

"Brik," she murmurs softly
"I dreamt such evil things..."
"Never again," I vow softly.
"For, soon, I'll be king."

beatingheart2